JOKE DU JOUR
par tartosuc » Lun Fév 26, 2007 9:31 am
Le comble d'un coq : - C'est d'avoir la chair de poule
L'axe 15mm est la meilleur solution a un problème qui n'existait pas.
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tartosuc - Site Admin
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el mammouth - Ninja du wheelie
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par tartosuc » Mar Fév 27, 2007 9:48 am
[img:382:286]http://www.blagues.org/images/2930379/vaches.jpg[/img]
L'axe 15mm est la meilleur solution a un problème qui n'existait pas.
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tartosuc - Site Admin
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par tartosuc » Jeu Mars 01, 2007 9:56 am
Un homme d'affaires est assis à un bar de luxe, quand il voit entrer une superbe brune. Celle-ci s'approche de lui et lui murmure à l'oreille :
- Pour 1000 $, je fais tout ce que tu veux, à condition que tu puisses le dire en 3 mots maximum.
Le gars réfléchit quelques instants, sort mille francs de son portefeuille et dit :
- Repeins ma maison.
- Pour 1000 $, je fais tout ce que tu veux, à condition que tu puisses le dire en 3 mots maximum.
Le gars réfléchit quelques instants, sort mille francs de son portefeuille et dit :
- Repeins ma maison.
L'axe 15mm est la meilleur solution a un problème qui n'existait pas.
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Evil Sylvain - Jedi de la pédale
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par HypNoTic » Lun Mars 19, 2007 7:04 am
Each one of these insurance claims was taken from an actual form. They are all non-fiction.
The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.
The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.
I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.
The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.
I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.
The water from my radiator accidently froze at twelve midnight.
The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.
I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.
After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
I collided with a stationary tree.
There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
The accident was due to the road bending.
The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor.
The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accelerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw P.C. Brown.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would not have happened.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.
I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.
I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.
A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.
I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a fifth.
I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.
A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into his luggage grid.
I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or design it ran away.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.
I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before.
I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find it.
By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have been worse.
I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in a ditch by some stray boys.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.
The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.
The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.
I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.
The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.
I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.
The water from my radiator accidently froze at twelve midnight.
The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.
I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.
After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
I collided with a stationary tree.
There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
The accident was due to the road bending.
The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor.
The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accelerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw P.C. Brown.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would not have happened.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.
I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.
I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.
A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.
I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a fifth.
I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.
A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into his luggage grid.
I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or design it ran away.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.
I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before.
I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find it.
By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have been worse.
I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in a ditch by some stray boys.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.
Fée des sentiers (tm)
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HypNoTic - Jedi de la pédale
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par tartosuc » Lun Mars 19, 2007 7:46 am
Il y a quelques jours, on discutait tranquillement Deyv, Hypno matjean et moi meme quand Hypno dit "j'ai lu quelque part qu'il y avait des hormones femelles dans la biere!!!!"
Comme on aime bien les experiences, on a decide de tous boire une dizaine de bieres pour verifier ses dires...
Au bout de dix bieres :
-nous avions tous pris du poids
-nous parlions beaucoup pour ne rien dire
-nous ne pouvions plus conduire correctement
-il nous était impossible de tenir un raisonnement simple
-nous refusions obstinement de reconnaitre que nous avions tort même lorsque cela était évident et pour couronner le tout, on allait pisser toutes les cinq minutes.
Nous pensons qu'il est inutile de pousser les tests plus loin... Il y a bien des hormones femelles dans la biere
Comme on aime bien les experiences, on a decide de tous boire une dizaine de bieres pour verifier ses dires...
Au bout de dix bieres :
-nous avions tous pris du poids
-nous parlions beaucoup pour ne rien dire
-nous ne pouvions plus conduire correctement
-il nous était impossible de tenir un raisonnement simple
-nous refusions obstinement de reconnaitre que nous avions tort même lorsque cela était évident et pour couronner le tout, on allait pisser toutes les cinq minutes.
Nous pensons qu'il est inutile de pousser les tests plus loin... Il y a bien des hormones femelles dans la biere
L'axe 15mm est la meilleur solution a un problème qui n'existait pas.
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tartosuc - Site Admin
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par tartosuc » Mar Mars 20, 2007 10:46 am
C'est Deyv et Hypno parti en ride de bike , perdus... Ils roulent quand soudain Deyv a envie d'uriner ! Alors il défait sa braguette et sort l'engin. Un serpent passe par-là et croyant apercevoir un concurrent sur son territoire, il se jette sur la bête et la mord. Deyv hurle de douleur et parvient à se débarrasser du crotale. Hypno qui a tout dans son camelback prend le livre des premiers soins commence à le lire.
"Chapitre 45 : morsure de serpents : serpents verts aux yeux jaunes." ,
Hypno de s'exclamer- "Ça tombe bien c'est un de ceux là !"
c'est écrit "Il faut sucer l'endroit piqué pour aspirer le venin."
Deyv demande a Hypno : - "Alors que dit le bouquin ? Hein ?"
Hypno repond: - "Ben ... que tu vas mourir !"
"Chapitre 45 : morsure de serpents : serpents verts aux yeux jaunes." ,
Hypno de s'exclamer- "Ça tombe bien c'est un de ceux là !"
c'est écrit "Il faut sucer l'endroit piqué pour aspirer le venin."
Deyv demande a Hypno : - "Alors que dit le bouquin ? Hein ?"
Hypno repond: - "Ben ... que tu vas mourir !"
L'axe 15mm est la meilleur solution a un problème qui n'existait pas.
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tartosuc - Site Admin
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Evil Sylvain - Jedi de la pédale
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par Evil Sylvain » Jeu Mars 29, 2007 10:06 am
Subject: Larry & Bob
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea"
He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Bob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at all!!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will
be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said
"OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the third pub!"
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea"
He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Bob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at all!!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will
be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said
"OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the third pub!"
Evil S.
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Evil Sylvain - Jedi de la pédale
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par HypNoTic » Jeu Avr 19, 2007 7:09 am
Holy Bible
- Pièces jointes
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HypNoTic - Jedi de la pédale
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