JOKE DU JOUR
par HypNoTic » Jeu Jan 12, 2006 4:45 pm
Un petit gars de la ville, Paul, déménage à la campagne et achète un âne d'un vieux fermier pour $100.00.
Le fermier accepte de livrer l'âne le lendemain.
Le lendemain le fermier se rend voir Paul, "Désolé fiston mais j'ai une mauvaise nouvelle, l'âne est mort."
Paul répond, "Bien alors, rendez-moi mon argent."
Le fermier dit, "Je ne peux pas faire ça. Je l'ai déjà tout dépensé."
Paul répondit, "OK alors, vous n'avez qu'à m'apporter l'âne."
Le fermier demanda, "Qu'est-ce que tu vas faire avec ?"
Paul, "Je vais faire un tirage et le faire tirer."
Le fermier, " Tu ne peux pas faire tirer un âne mort!"
Paul, "Certainement que je peux. regarde-moi aller. Je ne dirai à personne qu'il est mort."
Un mois plus tard, le fermier rencontra Paul, "Qu'est-il advenu de l'âne mort?"
Paul, "Je l'ai fait tirer. J'ai vendu 500 billets à 2 dollars l'unité et j'ai fait un profit de $898.00."
Le fermier, "Et personne ne s'est plaint ?"
Paul, " Seulement le gars qui a gagné. Ça fait que je lui ai rendu son 2 dollars."
Paul a vieilli et est devenu premier ministre du Canada
Le fermier accepte de livrer l'âne le lendemain.
Le lendemain le fermier se rend voir Paul, "Désolé fiston mais j'ai une mauvaise nouvelle, l'âne est mort."
Paul répond, "Bien alors, rendez-moi mon argent."
Le fermier dit, "Je ne peux pas faire ça. Je l'ai déjà tout dépensé."
Paul répondit, "OK alors, vous n'avez qu'à m'apporter l'âne."
Le fermier demanda, "Qu'est-ce que tu vas faire avec ?"
Paul, "Je vais faire un tirage et le faire tirer."
Le fermier, " Tu ne peux pas faire tirer un âne mort!"
Paul, "Certainement que je peux. regarde-moi aller. Je ne dirai à personne qu'il est mort."
Un mois plus tard, le fermier rencontra Paul, "Qu'est-il advenu de l'âne mort?"
Paul, "Je l'ai fait tirer. J'ai vendu 500 billets à 2 dollars l'unité et j'ai fait un profit de $898.00."
Le fermier, "Et personne ne s'est plaint ?"
Paul, " Seulement le gars qui a gagné. Ça fait que je lui ai rendu son 2 dollars."
Paul a vieilli et est devenu premier ministre du Canada
Fée des sentiers (tm)
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HypNoTic - Jedi de la pédale
- Message(s) : 3195
- Inscription : Jeu Fév 05, 2004 2:02 pm
- Localisation : Granby
par Steff » Sam Jan 14, 2006 3:58 pm
Guy et Denis sont des malades mentaux qui résident dans un hôpital psychiatrique.
Un jour, Guy longe la piscine. Il tombe à l'eau et coule à pic.
Ni une ni deux, Denis saute à l'eau et va chercher Guy au fond de la piscine et le ramène à la surface.
Quand le Directeur apprend l'acte héroïque de Denis, il décide de le laisser sortir immédiatement, car il pense que si Denis est capable d'un tel acte il doit être mentalement stable. Le Directeur va lui-même annoncer cette bonne nouvelle à Denis.
Il lui dit: "J'ai une bonne et une mauvaise nouvelle à t'apprendre! La bonne c'est que nous te laissons sortir de l'hôpital parce que tu as été capable d'accomplir un acte de bravoure en sauvant la vie d'une autre personne. Je crois que tu as retrouvé ton équilibre mental. La mauvaise, c'est que Guy s'est pendu dans la buanderie avec la ceinture de sa robe de chambre."
Denis répond au Directeur: "Il ne s'est pas pendu, c'est moi qui l'ai accroché pour qu'il sèche".
Un jour, Guy longe la piscine. Il tombe à l'eau et coule à pic.
Ni une ni deux, Denis saute à l'eau et va chercher Guy au fond de la piscine et le ramène à la surface.
Quand le Directeur apprend l'acte héroïque de Denis, il décide de le laisser sortir immédiatement, car il pense que si Denis est capable d'un tel acte il doit être mentalement stable. Le Directeur va lui-même annoncer cette bonne nouvelle à Denis.
Il lui dit: "J'ai une bonne et une mauvaise nouvelle à t'apprendre! La bonne c'est que nous te laissons sortir de l'hôpital parce que tu as été capable d'accomplir un acte de bravoure en sauvant la vie d'une autre personne. Je crois que tu as retrouvé ton équilibre mental. La mauvaise, c'est que Guy s'est pendu dans la buanderie avec la ceinture de sa robe de chambre."
Denis répond au Directeur: "Il ne s'est pas pendu, c'est moi qui l'ai accroché pour qu'il sèche".
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Steff - Soprano du Dirtjump
- Message(s) : 946
- Inscription : Mer Jan 14, 2004 3:34 pm
- Localisation : Ste-Sophie
par xtreme » Ven Jan 20, 2006 8:51 am
- Pièces jointes
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- readwomistake.jpg (25.85 Kio) Consulté 5314 fois
helmet is useless as long as you get nice sunglasses
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xtreme - Ninja du wheelie
- Message(s) : 297
- Inscription : Mer Mars 23, 2005 8:46 pm
- Localisation : longueuil et val-david
par HypNoTic » Lun Jan 23, 2006 4:44 pm
NEW RULES for 2006
(Not George Carlin)
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue.
Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called”The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people's version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
(Not George Carlin)
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue.
Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called”The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people's version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
Fée des sentiers (tm)
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HypNoTic - Jedi de la pédale
- Message(s) : 3195
- Inscription : Jeu Fév 05, 2004 2:02 pm
- Localisation : Granby
par BOX » Mer Jan 25, 2006 8:56 am
http://skidsinthehall.com
http://greenfieldguitars.com/
01010101 01100010 01100101 01110010 01001110 01100101 01110010 01100100
http://greenfieldguitars.com/
01010101 01100010 01100101 01110010 01001110 01100101 01110010 01100100
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BOX - Soprano du Dirtjump
- Message(s) : 690
- Inscription : Ven Mars 04, 2005 11:39 am
- Localisation : Montreal
par matjean » Jeu Jan 26, 2006 10:43 pm
- Pièces jointes
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- 22jan06 - 19.jpg (97.85 Kio) Consulté 5194 fois
Kingdom Hereford, Qc
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matjean - Jedi de la pédale
- Message(s) : 3275
- Inscription : Ven Juin 04, 2004 10:04 am
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- Mon Vélo::
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par Steff » Ven Fév 03, 2006 11:01 am
- Pièces jointes
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- pic20608.jpg (28.39 Kio) Consulté 5100 fois
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Steff - Soprano du Dirtjump
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Evil Sylvain - Jedi de la pédale
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